


Fuckboy Problems

by commandercannibal



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-09
Updated: 2015-04-09
Packaged: 2018-03-22 02:19:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3711160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/commandercannibal/pseuds/commandercannibal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke decides to get back at Finn for cheating on her and recruits Lexa to help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fuckboy Problems

**Author's Note:**

> Have this shitty fanfic I wrote when I was way too tired and laughed too much about.

Clarke Griffin had the perfect revenge plan, or the kind that seemed perfect until it was time to set it in motion. Clarke was determined, though. No fuckboy cheats on her and gets away with it; at least not without feeling the same hurt, inadequacy, and betrayal she felt.  
Truthfully, she didn’t come up with the plan on her own. She overheard a couple of people whom she assumed were friends talking. The conversation between them went a little something like:  
“-is going to be there”  
“The one who-”  
“-Yes, that one”  
“Hmm…I could come along and pretend to be your girlfriend.”  
“To make him jealous?”  
“And scare the shit out of him.”  
“Okay, thanks…No kissing, though”  
“No problem”

It gave her the idea of Finn finding her “fucking” someone else. Of course, she wasn’t going to be fucking someone else, but looks can be deceiving and that’s all she needed them to be.

The biggest problem for Clarke was finding someone to “fuck.” Raven and Octavia were in committed relationships and she didn’t want to mess those up. Jasper and Monty were, of course, out. Who would believe that? Bellamy was out of the question, too. She didn’t want to give him the wrong idea. Yeah they were friends, but she was never quite sure if he was into her or not. She did not need him thinking even in the slightest bit that what they had was anything other than platonic. And what easier way to cross that line than by saying “hey, could you pretend to fuck me?”

There was one person Clarke thought was maybe, possibly, hopefully a candidate for this very important mission. The dilemma? Clarke didn’t even know this person and finding her on campus was a seemingly impossible task. All she knew about the candidate was that she was so willing to help her friend with their fuckboy problem that just maybe she would help Clarke with hers.

Well, that wasn’t the only thing she knew about this stranger. She knew that she had elaborately braided hair, a modulated voice, and a mostly black backpack with red trim. Not much to go off of, but as long as this stranger didn’t change any of these facets then it wouldn’t be too difficult to find her. Right? 

It took Clarke four days before she spotted elegant braids and a red lined black backpack in the distance. She gasped and sprinted towards the stranger.

“Hey! I need your help!” an out-of-breath Clarke spit out as soon as she was next to the woman. The stranger eyed Clarke, expressionless, almost like random people running up to her and asking for help was a regular occurrence.

“With what?” the attractive ( _hot damn!_ thought Clarke once she got a good look at her face) woman said calmly. 

Clarke’s immediate thought was _You’re on fire_ , but now was not the time, she needed fuckboy revenge. How was she going to explain that? Right…she didn’t really think this part through. The seconds of silence were adding up, though, so she quickly said “I have a fuckboy problem!”

“Go on.” The woman replied when Clarke didn’t elaborate.

“Okay, uh, I caught him cheating on me, but he doesn’t know and, uh-” _Oh god._ She was going to have to actually say it wasn’t she? “Ineedsomeonetopretendtofuckme.” She said that last bit so fast that she wasn’t sure if the woman heard her.

“I can do that.” Was that a smile? Was that a goddamn smile? Okay, maybe Clarke was projecting and was just hoping that the slight twitch on this celestial being’s mouth was a smile.

“Great! Thanks! If we hurry we can-” they reached one of the academic buildings and the woman had a backpack. Clarke can do simple math. “You have class don’t you.”

“I can skip.”

“No, no, no. You’re education’s more important than my fuckboy problems.” 

Without hesitation, the woman simply stated, “Nothing is more important than the war on fuckboys.”

Clarke was staring openmouthed at the woman, but it felt like she was staring up at the sky as heaven’s light shone down upon her and she heard God speak.

“So what is the plan?” the woman said breaking Clarke out of her reverie.

Clarke closed her mouth and swallowed, “Let’s go to my apartment.”

 

It was during the drive to the apartment that they learned each other’s names.

“Oh, um, my name’s Clarke. I probably should have mentioned that earlier.”  
“Hello, Clarke,” the woman merely said.  
“Are you going to tell me yours?” asked Clarke, “It might be more realistic if I’m pretending to moan your name.” She glanced over at the woman and was almost certain she saw a tint of red on her cheeks. _Hallelujah._  
“Lexa.”  
“Okay Lexa. Tell me how this sounds,” Clarke then attempted at “moaning” Lexa’s name several times. “Lexxxa, Lex!-a, Lex-ah.” She glanced over at Lexa again, hoping for some sort of facial reaction and was greeted with that twitch of a smile again. _Lord have mercy._  
“Hmm. Maybe try less of a fictional ghost noise.”  
“As opposed to a real ghost.”  
“Yes.” Was she serious or was this another joke? _Hell, who cares? She’s hot and I’m about to have fictional sex with her._

 

Once they were in Clarke’s (and fuckboy Finn’s) apartment, she directed Lexa right to the bedroom. 

“I didn’t think this far, but we should probably take off some of our clothes to make it more realistic,” Clarke said as she started pulling her shirt over her head. If she wanted the brown-haired goddess to take off her clothes, then she was going to have to show some skin, too.

As soon as the shirt wasn’t blocking her view, Clarke was taking in the sight of topless Lexa. _Forgive me Father for I have sinned._ How she removed her shirt and bra so fast Clarke didn’t know. Or was complaining. “Right so-” She paused. There was a jingle at the door. “Shit, he’s home. Um.”

“Get on the bed.” Lexa was already holding the covers up and Clarke wasted no time getting in. Apparently, Lexa didn’t waste any time either, because Lexa was grabbing her thighs from under the covers and moving her head down. 

“Lex!” Clarke gasped out when Lexa put her hand up her shorts. _Holy fuck._

“What the fuck Clarke!?” It was Finn. “In our bed!?” He was clearly hurt. Good.

She was going to respond until she felt Lexa move up her body and saw her head emerge from under the covers, glancing over at Finn.

“Who the fuck is she?”

“Is this the asshole, babe?” Lexa whispered, gently kissing her lips. _Whoa._

“Babe!? What the fuck Clarke!? Is this why I’ve barely seen you all week? Because you’re out there hooking up with this chick?” Finn’s face was red and clearly mad, but Clarke was more interested in Lexa’s reaction. She moved on fast.

Lexa rose from the bed, striding over to Finn with unfaltering confidence. “Your ex-girlfriend tastes good.” 

“My current girlfriend,” Finn said bitterly. Clarke sat up in the bed, pulling the blanket up with her. This was getting intense.

“The fact remains. She tastes good.” Clarke knew for damn sure that Lexa had never tasted her, but even she believed the stoic goddess. She also may have been a bit turned on.

“You bitch!” yelled Finn as he raised his fist only for it to be immediately captured by Lexa’s hand and forced behind his back as she pushed him into the wall. _Clean up on aisle Clarke._

Finn was trying to break free of Lexa’s grasp, but she had one hand holding his right wrist behind his back and the other hand holding his left shoulder to the wall. Lexa leaned her head forward and started whispering into his ear.

“I believe you are the bitch, fuckboy. Was it not you who terminated the relationship when you made the decision to fuck someone else?” 

“I-Fuck! It didn’t mean anything Clarke!” said Finn as Lexa pushed him harder into the wall.

“If it didn’t mean anything, then you wouldn’t have done it,” her tone was strict and unfaltering.

“It was a mistake! People make mistakes!” cried out Finn. He looked a bit scared and Clarke was loving it.

“You can come up with all the excuses that you want, but the fact remains.” _The fact remains that I have a great view of your ass from here and it is heavenly._

“Just let go of me,” Finn pleaded. Clarke didn’t expect him to give in so soon. Then again she didn’t expect to fake fuck an incredibly hot and totally menacing woman.

When Lexa lets go of him, he kind of stumbles backwards. He takes a look at Clarke, then looks back at Lexa and just takes off, slamming the door on his way out. Lexa walked over to her bra on the floor and put it on, Clarke unashamedly watching Lexa as she does so. 

“So do you do this often?” Clarke asked as Lexa put on her shirt.

“Princess it is my duty to protect the fine women of this city from the fuckboys.” Goddamn that twitch smile.

“Princess?” Clarke asked as she caught the shirt and bra Lexa tossed her way.

“I rescued you from Castle Fuckboy, didn’t I?” Clarke was going to lose her shit. This damn woman was too hot, too funny, and too perfect.

“Then what does that make you? My knight in shining armor?” The woman ducked her head as she sat down on the bed, but Clarke knew, Clarke fuckin’ knew she was blushing. 

Lexa’s gaze moved back to Clarke’s, her blush barely noticeable, as she said, “I prefer to think of myself as a Commander with an army of warriors ready to attack fuckboys at my command.” Clarke didn’t know this woman all too well, but dammit if those weren’t heart eyes. _I’d like to not only thank Jesus Christ but also God._

“Okay, Commander Heart Eyes.” Sometimes you have to risk it for the real fuck. _HOT DAMN!_ Lexa was full on blushing and smiling and then she _*gulp*_ started moving up the bed towards Clarke.

Her lips were next to Clarke’s ear when she whispered, “You mustn’t tell my legion, Sky Princess, I must maintain my tough image.” _If this is a dream, PLEASE for the love of anything, DON’T WAKE ME UP!_

“Sky Princess?”

“You must have fallen from the sky for you cannot be this ethereal and be from the earth.” _Holy Hell this fucker is smooth._ Lexa pressed her lips against Clarke’s pulse point and she gasped. _Holy Fuckin’ Hell._

Lexa rolled off the bed and Clarke was too horny for Lexa to be leaving right now. “Wait!”

“I must go now Sky Princess, but I will leave you my number in case you want my assistance in more revenge plans or would like to fuck without all the pretending.” Clarke had stood up as Lexa said all this, realizing a second later that she had not yet put her top layers back on. Blushing, she grabbed a pen and the pad of sticky notes off the nightstand and handed it to Lexa. She put her bra and shirt on quickly as Lexa jotted down her number. 

As soon as she could see, a hand pressed a sticky note to her forehead. “May we meet again.” 

She ripped the sticky note off her forehead immediately and looked at it, seeing that Lexa had written down the number as belonging to a Commander Heart Eyes. Lexa was nearly exiting the bedroom door when Clarke yelled, “You were my best fake fuck.”

Lexa looked back at her that slight twitch of a smile playing at her oh so kissable lips saying, “You were my first,” before exiting.

All Clarke could think as she heard the apartment door close is how lucky she was that Finn was such a fuckin’ fuckboy.


End file.
